Tweets of yore

So I decided to delete my Twitter account. It was yet another social networking site to keep up with, and I found myself less and less interested. Here is a collection of the only things on Twitter I ever said that were interesting (out of a very long list of boring-as-dead items).

Okay, yeah, you win.
4:27 PM Nov 11th, 2008

I suspect that the name “Quickly” is a bit of a misnomer.
1:44 PM Nov 14th, 2008

CAT TOILET http://tinyurl.com/675s4p
1:34 PM Nov 20th, 2008

Cute tee, brown dockers, black chucks: I look like a very cute lesbian today
.9:23 AM Nov 21st, 2008

Who plays TATU at a Day 1 party? LIFE TECHNOLOGIES, that’s who.
3:54 PM Nov 24th, 2008

Best Thing Ever: World’s Largest Moose: http://tinyurl.com/5j6gcd
3:22 PM Dec 1st, 2008

I STILL HAVE A JOB.
10:27 AM Dec 10th, 2008

I don’t think you should be allowed to wear a fur coat and flip flops at the same time, for more than one reason.
6:51 PM Dec 13th, 2008

All Hail President Worf. YAY!
10:25 PM Dec 15th, 2008

Toluene, why you gotta be a bitch?
1:42 PM Jan 21st

The bridge in Womanizer is completely unnecessary and, in fact, detracts from the rest of the song.
9:49 AM Feb 6th

Someone ended up at my Flickr by searching for “grandma soup machine.” I think I need to start a new band.
11:32 AM Feb 12th

I think Grandma Soup Machine should be alt-country, since that’s what I’m in the mood for.
12:21 PM Feb 12th

bootgazin’
1:10 PM Feb 12th

Jerry, don’t eat the bedroom corn!
3:22 AM Mar 8th

Spock’s dad is Lionel Luthor! I’ve never said anything more geeky!
9:54 PM Mar 9th

I dreamed of tiny golden keyboards hidden inside sewing machines. Your chat was instantly embroidered.
9:18 AM Apr 3rd

What I learned this weekend: There’s a fine line between Axl Rose and Ethel Merman.
6:33 AM Apr 6th

Dive bombed by seven ducks.
3:49 PM Apr 22nd

I am drinking water out of a pickle jar. Well, a former pickle jar.
10:15 PM May 14th

I had a dream I was a ballerina and now I’m pretty sure I can do anything.
1:48 PM Jun 4th

LOOK SADDER WHILE YOU EAT IT.
8:43 AM Jun 5th

Eating the last of the cinnamon bears, and found a spare head floating around. It was tasty.
12:03 PM Jun 16th

I’m pretty sure I won’t drink a cocktail made with mayonnaise.
11:43 AM Jun 30th

OH: all black people on TV look like Jordi La Forge.
8:35 PM Jul 1st

OH: that’s my gay farmer porn music!
9:14 PM Aug 5th

Took an extra trip to the sixth floor of Macy’s for the marble bathroom. It may be my favorite bathroom in SF other than my house.
5:30 PM Aug 30th

Everyone needs their own autotune gadget. We shall carry them around in huge hats like T-Pain.
3:47 PM Sep 2nd

OH: Conclusion: Elton John is gay for camels.
2:33 PM Sep 3rd

Happy happening Hebrew hobo clown!
7:52 PM Sep 5th

So that happened

I’m 32 now. I’m still thinking about what this means. I’ll share when I know. It might be a while.

Sometimes I crack myself up

So I was going through some old emails, and I found this nugget, on the day Tim Russert passed away:

Me and ol’ Tim had a bit of a powwow this morning while he was on his way upstairs. We’re even stevens, baby. We shared a secret handshake that lasted at least seven minutes and included the watusi.

I still find this funny. I don’t know why.

The Origins of Hobo Leg

I blame my clever friends. Leftie will be known as Hobo Leg from now on.

My Good Deed For The Week

Last night I was heading to dinner with some friends in San Jose when both lanes of traffic slowed, then stopped. This was highly unusual for this area, so Jesse and I craned our necks to see what the hold up was. A scared looking dog was running back and forth across the lanes.  I don’t know what breed, but she was smaller than knee height, with a coat like a Rhodesian Ridgeback. I pulled the car over and called to her, and she immediately ran over to us. Her only tag was for a rabies vaccination, but luckily there was a phone number on there, though not the owner’s. A very nice and helpful lady answered the phone, and found the owner, and gave him my phone number. Meanwhile, the dog was perfectly content to stand between us, my finger hooked through her collar. She was very sweet. The owner arrived no less than five minutes later. Evidently they’d been playing in the park when a boy used an air horn and scared the poor girl, and she bolted.

I’m so glad they were reunited, and that I had a part in it. And now that I have seen the perfect dog – seriously, the right kind of coat, the right size, good temperament, why didn’t I take a picture? – I will spend the rest of my life trying to find another dog just like this one. Damn.

Welcome to the World, Tula Kelly!

Tula Kelly, originally uploaded by maceelaine.

Born January 28th. She is so tiny and perfect.

25 Tidbits

I got tagged to do a “25 Random Things about You” thingy on Facebook, and so I thought I’d share here, too.

1. I have only one tattoo, which I got when I was 18, which seems like eons ago. It was long enough ago that they weren’t called tramp stamps then, I can tell you that. I have at least three more that I have planned, but lack time and money.
2. When I was young, I wanted to learn the cello, based solely on the movie “The Witches of Eastwick.”
3. I tell everyone that I’m five foot nine, but really I’m only five foot eight and a half.
4. I currently have a homemade poster in my living room with sticky notes detailing all the things I fret about, in order of importance. I’ve started tackling those in the A list.
5.  I’m happy to report that for the first time in my life, “what my friends secretly think of me” is NOT on that list. I’m completely sure my friends actually like me. This was not always the case in my life.
6.  I cannot touch my toes (yet).
7.  My mom and I went to get our second ear piercings together, when I was in second grade. Mine has practically closed, while mom has added no less than five more holes in her ears.
8.  I started dancing Flamenco as something to do between chemistry and math classes during community college. Now, then years later, it’s all I want to do.
9.  That’s not entirely true. I love my job. I love being a scientist, and not just because it impresses people when I tell them I do Synthetic Organic Chemistry. It’s fun and cool.
10. I was blond for an entire year. I was interviewing for my first professional post-college job, so I had to keep touching up my roots. With my pale complexion, I did NOT make a great blonde.
11. Rumor has it I have relatives in the Donner Party. No, that does not mean I have a taste for human flesh.
12. Beets anger me.
13. I have never been in a hospital emergency room.
14. I was named after my dad’s mother. She was named after her mother, and her mother before her. I’m the fourth Mace. I’m glad there’s no IV after my name, though. That would be silly.
15.I convinced my sister, when she was small, that I had no belly button. I’d pull up my shirt (with pants high), and then pull down my pants (with shirt low) and she almost believed me. She was, of course, suspicious, because she is not an idiot.
16. Despite what my mother and sister say, I HAVE NEVER POOPED ON A WALL.
17. When I was 14, we visited Disneyland, and while posing with star characters, I was molested by Goofy. He didn’t do anything specific, but I felt dirty afterwards. I was trying to alert my mother, and her response was “Hold on, I’m focusing.”
18. When I drop people off out of my car, I almost always wait and make sure they get inside before driving off. Just in case.
19. is my favorite number, because I couldn’t make up my mind between 9 and 10. I like 9 and 10 for dorky, math-related reasons.
20. I was two classes away from getting a minor in mathematics AND english, but Physical Chemistry doesn’t leave much room in your brain for anything else.
21. I have capillaritis. It is the most boring condition ever. And also seems to go away when I let beams of sun hit my legs. The sun? What?
22. I have a very poor memory. I can remember the names and lyrics to a million songs from the 80s and 90s, but there are huge gaps in my own personal history.
23. I love plants and gardening, but seem to have missed the green thumb gene that both my parents have.
24. I own more shoes than I know what to do with, but because I like walking places, wear only about five pair regularly. I have a plan to sell off a large number of them, since so many are in good shape, I just need to get everything out of the closet, and that’s a scary prospect.
25. I love soup. Like, a lot. I like making it, and I like eating it. However, I like chunky soups. Creamed soups leave me cold.

Words, words, words

I’ve been hitting the gym at work. I haven’t talked about it much, for fear that if/when I stop, I’ll read my former glory and feel so, so bad about myself. But I’ve discovered a wonderful thing about cardio machines:

UNINTERRUPTED READING TIME

I don’t get to read as much as I’d like. The easiest solution would be to get off the freaking Internet and pick up a book, but I’ve gotten very bad at that in the last few years. However, when I’m huffing up a pretend hill on the treadmill, or pumping up a pretend hill on the exercise bike*, I can easily read several articles from a magazine. I’m terribly excited about the prospect of actually being up to date with my Newsweeks. Now, when Trevor mentions something from the latest issue, I can actually respond. Hallelujah.

Oh, also, I’ve lost five pounds.

* Obviously, I like going up hills. Actually, as an asthmatic, it’s an easy way to increase intensity without increasing speed.

Obligatory New Year’s Post

Here, I keep of the tradition of looking at the year in list form:

The Best of 2008:

1. Jack.
   I mean, look at him:

   I adore this cat. Some time he frustrates the hell out of me, but for the most part, he is full of love and energy. I’ll stop now, because I can talk about my cat for ages, and I have.

2. My New Job.
   I really enjoy my new job as an Organic Chemist. It certainly has its challenges, and I’m not at technically adept as I’d like to be, but the word is interesting, and for the first time since graduating college I feel like a real scientist. I’m scared of more re-structuring, but I suppose I have to cross that bridge when I get to it.
3. A year and a half with Trevor.
   He’s sleeping next to me right now. He loves my cat, even though he hates cats. He makes me feel safe and warm and loved, and makes me want keep him safe and warm and loved.
4. Our Big Show.
   Covered here, but worth mentioning again. My dancing improved by leaps and bounds in 2008, and I think it’s just going to get better. I’m still trying to figure out how I can fit more dancing in my life, without sacrificing time with #5.
5. My friends.
   I’ll tell you a secret: this is the first time in my 31 years that I haven’t thought that people secretly hated me. It sounds silly, but there have been times in my life that I’ve been unceremoniously dumped by a circle of friends, and learned they only pretended to like me because of who I was dating.  Now, I have no fear that my friends are my friends. And I have great friends. I wanted to write something special about each one, but I’d be sad that I’d miss someone and feel horrible about it, and I realized that I am blessed with a LOT of friends. I love so many people.

The Worst of 2008:

1. Concerts.
   Seriously? I only went to hear music eight times in 2008? That is lame. I miss Tyler.
2. Feeling the pinch.
   I’m fortunate: I haven’t had to live paycheck to paycheck, but I definitely feel like I’ve had to cut back this year. I spent a fair amount of money on costumes for the big show. At least that can carry me through many, many more performances, since I had no professional wear. Trevor is a big fan of eating out, and that hit my wallet hard as well. But I’m making it. I just don’t have the nice little cushion to fall back on that I’m used to. I’m trying to look on the bright side and remind myself that I have a job, I have some money, and I’m cutting back on things in 2009.
3. Lack of follow through.
   This year, I had a very hard time completing things. I fell apart with “The Year Without” project, since I got so busy with the show, and then didn’t have the creativity or stamina to give something up. I started a sweater, and a blanket, and barley got 10% in either. I weigh more now than I did at the beginning of the year. All of my plants are dead (well, most of them. But most of them were annuals anyway).  I’m scared to make goals for 2009, but well, I’m going to do it anyways.

Goals for 2009:

1. Finish a damn crochet project.
2. Figure out how to dance more.
3. Double dutch.
4. Go to at least 10 concerts
5. Cook more/use ALL of my CSA box
   
6. Loose 10% of my bodyweight.
   

Gee, only two years?

I’d been carrying a secret around with me. I wasn’t over it.

Two years ago, I had a brief relationship with someone. It ended badly, and I carried the hurt around for TWO YEARS. About 8x the length of the actual relationship. I’m not sure why I held onto it for so long, but I do know that now it’s gone.

I had been loath to tell anyone about it, since the feelings were recurring much longer than I thought was necessary. Besides, I get easily annoyed by women who go on  and on about breakups that happened in the past, and I certainly didn’t want to be one of those women. I didn’t think about it all the time, but once in a while something would remind me, and there’d be this flash of anger and a tightening in my chest, and I’d think about it nonstop for a day or two. Then it would go back into its dormancy.

I’d also kept this to myself because plenty of my friends are still on good terms with him. I’m not a fan of talking crap about someone in front of their friends, it’s awkward all around. So it wasn’t a total shock when he popped up in the chat for BeTheMarriage*. There was no drama, but the next day, there was the anger again.

And I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. I wrote a VERY long email to a friend of mine (who wasn’t familiar with the story), about why I was angry, and why I felt I had been wronged, and just blathered on until I ran out of steam.  A few days later, I tried to tap into that anger again, and found it gone.

I can look at the past so much more reasonably now. Sure, I was hurt, but he wasn’t evil, or even mean. He made some decisions at inopportune moments and hurt me. But all in all, he was a nice guy who was going through some stuff, and I was going through a LOT of stuff, and couldn’t have been a total pleasure to be around. So yeah. The past is the past, and it’s all about the future now, baby.

* Funny story there: I had been throwing up for the last eight hours and was finally starting to feel kind of human again, though still very out of it. Out of it enough that I would stare at the keyboard while I typed, because I didn’t trust my fingers to do a good job on their own. So I completely missed that a private message had popped up while I was typing, and it defaulted to that screen. There was a very polite message just letting me know that he was also here, and hoped it wasn’t awkward, and that I was doing well. My response? “The giblets.”